I don’t normally give interviews. You are very lucky. I’m beginning to regret this already. Which magazine did you say you worked for? Heat? Well, I can’t say that I’ve ever read it, but it sounds appropriate.
I won’t answer all your questions. I hate being bored. The minute I feeling the inkling of boredom then the interview stops and you had better run very fast.
We’re agreed? Good. Well, you better get on with it. I have other things to do.

Please don’t be impertinent. My future business plans could be seriously undermined by those who wish to stop me or thwart my advance.
I’m in the bullion and jewellery trade. I would have thought that was obvious. What else would a dragon be interested in?
Please! Have you no common sense? Sheep, goats, people- it’s all food. Do you question all your interviewees about what they eat?
You do? Well, more fool them for answering. You also ask about their hygiene habits? I think you had better start running… what? Oh, your readers would be interested in how a dragon deals with the problem of halitosis? It’s a sore spot with those who look after animals. I could say that you humans also have a problem. For me, I find that flossing twice a day to get rid of the stringy bits that curl round the fangs is good. Apart from that I make sure I have a good burn at least once a week. That gets rids of any germs or bacteria that have started growing. Can’t say that I’ve ever had a problem myself. We dragons are partial to the spice of heat in the mouth. Hmm, you’re from Heat? I’m wondering how spicy…
Yes, we can tell another dragon by their breath. It lets us know if they are ill. Their breath changes in texture and smell. We mate for life. It’s important don’t you think that you can bear your mate’s smell if it’s going to be for a long time? I think your fashion of chopping and changing partners is more because of smell than anything else. Get that right and it all falls in to place.
Where’s my… I think we are done here. You of all people should know how insensitive that question is. I thought we had an agreement. Now if you don’t mind, I should like to be alone.
What? I don’t think saying sorry is ever enough. I am deeply hurt. Just because I am rather larger and fiercer than the usual dragon, doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings. You didn’t know dragons came in smaller sizes? What planet are you from? This is exactly why I don’t give interviews. Don’t you do any research? You people make me sick. I suppose if you don’t know anything you make it up.
It has been known, has it? And you want me to set the record straight? Well, you’d better be quick. What do you want now? You want me to answer the questionnaire that is asked of all your interviewees? I’m not sure that I want all this information to be broadcast. It might aid my enemies. Those businessmen I talked about. The espionage bill is astronomically high within the cutthroat world of futures. Naturally, I mean the stock exchange, My wealth is not just in tangible properties. What did you think that I had a hoard? That is so last century. At the moment the euro is causing considerable worry with my partners in China. They’re thinking of reverting to the gold standard. I must say, I’m beginning to agree with them. So hoarding might come back into fashion. Listen to your instincts, in this case my cousins, they come right in the end. It’s always best to keep it in the family isn’t it? Yes, very well to do, they aren’t persecuted in China. They are seen as gods or nearly gods. I laugh when I see the people dancing in the way they think we do. If I did that my back would give out, but it’s great fun.
Back to your questionnaire, if we must.
I have lost count of the number of clutches I’ve had. Not all survived. And some were killed, murdered, assassinated by your kind. We dragons have been victims of persecution for as long as I can remember and that my dear, is a very long time. My memory is better than the proverbial elephant. Which, if you think about, it is bound to be since we live longer. NO! I have never known a dragon to suffer from dementia. The very thought is abhorrent.
Now you’ve made me think about it, it does explain the number of dragons who have walked into obvious traps and been killed. I sometimes wondered why they didn’t see and then fly out of danger. Pride, I suppose.
There are always bad eggs in a clutch. If I have to admit to it, yes, the komodo dragons are related, very distantly on my father’s side. My mother would never let us visit. She said they were nearly feral. She didn’t want us associating with their kind. Brought down the whole class of dragonhood, she said. My mother was very hot on manners. Literally. If we put a wing wrong or a claw up when it wasn’t appropriate we were blasted. Terrible scourge, mother was. Many a time we watched her flash a village when she’d been angered by some well- intentioned idiot of a mayor. They had some stupid notion that my mother liked nubile young girls. They were flaunting them at her all the time. It got so that wherever we went as a brood, young women were being thrust at us from all sides.
Who knows where they got this idea from? Maybe you can explain it? You thought we …? Excuse me while I snort! Did that hit you? Oh, I am sorry. No, I can see that cleaning won’t help. Perhaps I can offer you some recompense. This pearl, perhaps? Yes, it is a fine one. I plucked it from the mouth of the giant oyster who lives deep within the Marian Trench. You didn’t know, well who was expecting you to know? So I take it, you don’t want the pearl? You do? Of course you do. Venial, like all your kind.
Quite frankly, I’m bored now. You’ve got enough and what you wanted. NO. No pictures. I prefer if the masses didn’t know what I looked like. If that is a camera phone, then I suggest you delete it now. Oh dear, did that burn? Here, have a gold necklace and find your own way out.
I would run if I were you.